omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
