Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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