My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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