There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
