We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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