I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
