Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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