Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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