dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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