You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
