Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
