you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
