The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
this hospital has no fireball
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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