I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
