I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
