Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
