i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't deserve a penis
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
