i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she peed on how many people?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
