i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
