Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
