I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
