I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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