just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Someone signed my nipple.
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