and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Help. Why am I so naked?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
