Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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