Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
