how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
