Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
