i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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