CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
