I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Found the puke drawer
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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