There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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