tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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