Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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