she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
