Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
