She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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