well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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