dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
