She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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