Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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