I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
