so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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