I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
