i would punch a child for taco bell
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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