PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize