I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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