I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
