It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
