So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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