and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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