i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Welp...herpes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
