I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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