Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you made out with another girl for some wings
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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