1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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