I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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