that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
