are you still at the devil's house?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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