Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
