No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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