Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
