last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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