Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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