So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
