remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you would pick up someone in the library
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
