it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
