I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize