I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
