Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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