My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
