Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
