he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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