You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
