LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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