Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There r osticjed everywhere
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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