i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
