Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
