My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
