Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
