just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize