before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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