After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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