glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
