So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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