youre lurking in front of me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
