my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
